Tuesday, November 3, 2020

The Night Of Ellen Barbosa

 



       I was working on my thesis when the results started coming in. Within five minutes of intently watching cable news, everything else I was doing started seeming small and irrelevant. Sure, the waning influence of postmodernism may have been more challenging than glad handing on a daily basis, but Rob was clearly on his way to being elected to the United States Senate. Shots of his campaign headquarters periodically flashed across the screen, where many young, bright eyed individuals partied and waited patiently to bask in the glow of Rob’s sunshine. After half an hour, I logged off my laptop, knowing I would be unable to work for the rest of the evening.

         Still, I couldn’t abide sitting there in front of the idiot box, either. I had been alone since the divorce, after all. I hadn’t even dated. Now I just wasn’t capable of bringing myself to witness Rob’s nightlong moment of glory from the confines of my dark condo. Rob had some good reasons for leaving me, to be sure, but there were lots of not so good reasons, too – up to and including his ambition and his current wife, Kelly. In truth, I didn’t want to put myself through what I essentially saw as an entire awards ceremony Rob had garnered by virtue of leaving me. Yet I couldn’t turn the television off entirely, either. Who knows why (and the truth is that I really don’t want to know why), but I decided to keep it on with the sound off.

        It was from within this limbo state that I finally decided to take a bath. I couldn’t unload on Erica, after all. She was with her father at the moment, along with Kelly and her own two beautiful children that she had with Rob (actually, Kelly’s kids weren’t exactly beautiful…I just like to throw the word in there for effect). Surely Erica wouldn’t want to have an important evening spoiled by my telling her how down and out and second best and irrelevant her mother felt.  I wondered, however, if Erica might feel second best herself as the results poured in. No doubt she did – at least a little.

         As the water ran in the tub I began to ask myself if I could endure watching the victory speech. The truth was, I couldn’t. There Rob would be, standing with perfect Kelly and their children, adored, cheered and celebrated, while Erica would be somewhere slightly back and to the left. The thought sickened me to my core. Yet I also knew Erica would want me watching her. Sliding inside the tub, I told myself it wasn’t easy being a mother. I wished there was someone else I could share that nugget with, but there wasn’t. Actually, there was, but I didn’t want my friends thinking I was spending the evening choking on sour grapes.

         Ultimately, however, I decided to go to bed. I had my own psyche to worry about. Growing up, my mother had told me to always ask myself what Jesus would do. Needless to say, I couldn’t see Jesus condemning me for calling it an early night. I could watch Erica up there on a replay, after all, after the pain and bitterness had somewhat subsided. And so I slipped under the sheets at around ten, convinced I had done the right thing.

         At around three in the morning, I was awoken by Sandy, who seemed to be having some kind of Golden Retriever nightmare at the foot of the bed. She settled down after a few, but by then I had suddenly found myself wanting, no, NEEDING, to know about Rob’s victory. Call me a masochist, but my curiosity demanded I see a headline, a picture, something. Giving into temptation, I took hold of my iPhone from the nightstand.

         Rob had lost by over ten thousand votes to Ellen Barbosa. The western part of the state, which wasn’t counted until last, had rallied behind her. It was, to be sure, an upset. Needless to say, that was one of the happiest moments of my life, one I remain guilty for cherishing, why, I’m still not sure. Perhaps it’s because Kelly’s kids looked so despondent up there on stage during Rob’s concession speech. You can tell the little squirts had expected so much.

         That was Rob for you.



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